I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
