I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My ass is underappreciated
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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