Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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