your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
