We won't sleep together?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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