and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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