Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I want a musical about memes.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
