I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
