Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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