I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
