im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
