So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
