I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
