At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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