I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
