he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
