did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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