3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
