she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
