He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
