I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
