it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
