I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
