The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
