I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
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