The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
