Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
