My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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