Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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