I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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