Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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