its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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