I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
