I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
