I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
