all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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