he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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