Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
