i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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