i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
