that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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