I love black thongs
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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