I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
