Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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