this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
