she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
