i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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