woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize