my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
