I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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