Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
