i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hippo gnu deer
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
