I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
