Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
