I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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