dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
