Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
