another moral hangover. fuck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
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Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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