He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
