Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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