I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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