I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
