I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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