just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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