I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
