took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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