put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
