You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
