Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
