Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
