I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
