4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
