the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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