I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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