How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
