It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
